literature

The Ignorant Mind

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VikingWidunder's avatar
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Literature Text

    Ignorant Mind



One mind is not equal to another
the half-wise are everywhere
speech passed down by a father
misunderstood words for the unaware

For men to be midle-wise is the best
these words i hold to be true
not over cunning and clever to his guest
if words he can not speak or deeds he can not do

The wise man whose lore is so deep
seldom in heart shall he find happiness
roads of madness he will meet
in that he must take awareness

The fairest life that one can take
is he who knows not the ways of the world
he shall not succumb to that fate
and live in peace among his folk

The future is not able for men to know
too much knowledge he would not bear
the goddesses of fate that will not show
for he would quickly fall into dispair

He who fancies to be full of wisdom
will find he knows nothing at all
he will lose the rights of his own kingdom
as soon as he begins to talk

The ignorant had best be silent
when among the wiser he will dwell
he must put his wits into retirement
and be glad to learn how to spell.


Arith Härger



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Cσρуяιgнт © 2012™
This is my first attempt to make poetry. I would realy like to have a constructive critic.

Help me to evolve in this matter, or should i quit this?

Whatever you may say, i will keep trying to murder poetry D:

I dont know in which groups i could submit this, you know any?
Maybe none will accept, that is the question :P


Note: I am sorry but i had to delete the file and re-submit it again.. so all your comments and all the groups where this poem was in.. all gone. Thank you for your time!
© 2012 - 2024 VikingWidunder
Comments2
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Kreationyst's avatar
Very good for a first try. I'm assuming that you aren't English by your manner of speaking (not a bad thing!)?
The most evident thing I noticed was that your rhyme scheme kind of faded in and out--sometimes you had rhyming stanzas, sometimes not. If you want to write rhymed poetry, make it rhyme; if you want to write free verse, don't make it rhyme. It doesn't matter either way, but this poem is sorta in the middle of the two and it's distracting.
The other thing is rhythm. When you're writing a poem, read it out loud to yourself as you go. It helps me keep the beat going, so maybe it'll work for you too.
Sorry to be so critical! I really did think it was good. :)
For more advice, try submitting to Heart-of-Poetry. I think they accept everything that gets submitted.
Keep at it!